Why is it SO HARD to keep up? As you may have noticed, I haven’t posted on this (even though I enjoy it) for two months. I have always struggled with keeping with a project, literally always.

I’ve always envied people, particularly on social media, that talk about how much passion and work they’ve put in to get where they’re at. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not criticising them at all. I’m jealous of them. Imagine being  passionate and naturally talented at something and someone noticing you and it actually working out.

But how can you ever do that if you’re not actually passionate about anything? I enjoy loads of things, at the moment I’m really enjoying boxing/gym, I love table tennis, I love theatre and singing, and I want to try pole-dancing (I realised I never feel good at myself/that confident and I feel like the latter will help!) But I know for sure that apart from the gym, I won’t ever commit to anything. For example, theatre groups are a huge commitment and I work full time, so I’d be knackered and start to resent rehearsals. Plus, I’m not confident enough to audition for anything, I’ve got no experience whatsoever.

LOL, I’ve already made an excuse to not do something that I’d potentially love. It makes no sense whatsoever, and to be honest, as I write this it just seems so dumb and counterproductive to put yourself down before you’ve even tried it.

FUCK IT, I am going to try something new next year. A new club. I need to meet new people anyway (in particular men, no guy friends or boyfriend 😦 ) and I need to have achieved something so that if I died tomorrow (morbid I know), my obituary would actually sound vaguely cool. Please hold me to this. This is why I’m writing my blog, so I can document these moments of ranting and promising myself to do something and if I look back in a few months’ time and I’ve still not done anything, it may push me to make that decision.

Perhaps  writing your thoughts down, making a physical thought is the nudge you need. I’ve bought a paper diary recently that I can write my goals etc. and it helps to see them all written down in front of you. You may see how plainly obvious it is as to what to do next. This is a physical thought now, and that means I have to do something physically about it.


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